


Always and Forever

by TheLadyMerlin



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Community: tamingthemuse, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-19
Updated: 2012-05-19
Packaged: 2017-11-05 16:44:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/408679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLadyMerlin/pseuds/TheLadyMerlin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spike discovers an unpleasant aspect of Xander's past</p>
            </blockquote>





	Always and Forever

**Author's Note:**

  * For [skargasm](https://archiveofourown.org/users/skargasm/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Sanctuary of the Seasons](https://archiveofourown.org/works/349377) by [TheLadyMerlin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLadyMerlin/pseuds/TheLadyMerlin). 



**Title:** Always and Forever  
 **Author:** [](http://theladymerlin.livejournal.com/profile)[**theladymerlin**](http://theladymerlin.livejournal.com/)  
 **Rating:** R  
 **Warnings:** Implied child abuse  
 **Pairing:** Spike/Xander  
 **Prompt:** [](http://tamingthemuse.livejournal.com/profile)[**tamingthemuse**](http://tamingthemuse.livejournal.com/) #304 Dystychiphobia  
 **Chapter:** 1/1  
 **Status:** Complete  
 **Fandom:** BtVS  
 **Genre:** AU ~ Set during Sanctuary of the Seasons  
 **Beta(s):** none, proofread  
 **Disclaimer:** not mine, all belongs to Joss  
 **Graphic:** Banner by [](http://theladymerlin.livejournal.com/profile)[**theladymerlin**](http://theladymerlin.livejournal.com/)  
 **Summary:** Spike discovers an unpleasant aspect of Xander's past  
 **A/N:** Despite the implied abuse this is a schmoopy bit of fluff. I wanted to write something for a very special person who has been having a difficult time of it lately. For [](http://skargasm.livejournal.com/profile)[**skargasm**](http://skargasm.livejournal.com/) my white knight.

  


[ ](http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v284/LadyMerlin/LJ%20Banners/?action=view&current=alwaysandforever.png)  


Spike reclined on the huge expanse of the bed and observed the room through sleepy eyes. His position on the raised platform afforded him an excellent view of the room and the boy carefully studying the trinkets scattered throughout his chambers. He watched in slight puzzlement as Xander would raise a hand, fingers twitching with the need to touch before falling empty to his side once more. Spike frowned as the same ritual was repeated over and over. The green of Xander's robe reflected the light coming through the windows and Spike felt a flash of annoyance knowing he couldn't give in to his urge to slip his arms around the strong shoulders and hold Xander close.

Although they had completed the claiming ritual mere hours before, Spike felt a heat and need to be close to his mate. The connection was still so new the small amount of information trickling through couldn't be trusted as being totally accurate. Newness of the bond aside, Spike knew nervousness when he saw it and he was seeing it now. It screamed at him with every tentative, aborted gesture the boy made. Spike's frown deepened as he recalled seeing the same gesture many times before in the past. At the time, he hadn't really cared and had simply filed the information away in case it was needed in the future. Spike's reverie was interrupted by a soft gasp of surprise.

Xander's shaking fingers hovered over a small wooden dragon. The piece was exquisite with flowing lines and graceful curves, each scale painstakingly detailed giving the illusion of life where there was none. Spike studied Xander while concentrating on their tenuous connection. Spike closed his eyes as the feelings started to wash over him. Slowly at first starting with a desperate want to stroke and run his fingers over the smooth polished lines. Spike's smile at Xander's need for the tactile touch quickly faded as a trickle of fear began to overpower all the other feelings. Spike shivered and opened his eyes.

“Xan?”

The fear spiked. Xander started and turned. His eyes were wide and Spike could hear his heart beating a quick rhythm in his chest. “I didn't touch it.”

“Know that,” Spike said gently. “Bring it here.”

Spike hadn't thought the fear coming through loud and clear now could get any worse but he'd been wrong and he sucked in a shocked breath as Xander began to shake uncontrollably. “Xan?”

Spike tried to gauge the distance between himself and Xander. He eyed the bright rays of sunshine and wondered how singed he would get if he made a mad dash across the room.

The bond must have been stronger than Spike realised because Xander looked at him with knowing in his eyes when he said, “No. Don't do it.”

Spike nodded his agreement. “Won't. 'T's okay. Leave the soddin' thing where it is but c'mere.”

Xander moved stiffly across the room and climbed up on the bed. He frustratingly refused to meet Spike's eyes and picked at imaginary bits of fluff on the dark blue bed sheets.

“You wanna tell me what that was all about?”

Xander shook his head and sniffed wetly. “It's nothing.”

“Look Xan. I'm not exactly known for my patience but I'm tryin' here. I really am. For you. Care about you and there's something that's got you spooked so much you nearly shook yerself apart. What is it? And don't you dare tell me nothin'. I can feel it through a bond even as new as ours.”

“I just wanted to look at it.”

“Yeah I got that but I don't see what the problem is.”

“I- it's hard to explain. I don't know if I can do this.”

“What? Tell me?” Spike sighed when Xander nodded. “Not going anywhere Xan. Claimed me didn't ya? Stuck with me now.”

“Really?”

“Really. Now give. What's got you so spooked?”

“I guess it started back when I was little. I can't remember the exact details of it. What I broke that first time. I was back in my room when I woke up. Alone.” Xander trailed off and shook his head sadly. “I tried so hard after that but I was always so clumsy. Knocking things off shelves or dropping things. My parents would get so upset. Especially my dad. I hoped I'd grow out of it but they were right and I never did. I know it's stupid. I'm so clumsy and worthless.” Xander looked wistfully at the small wooden statue. “I'm such a coward. I'm sorry.”

Spike clenched his teeth in anger. He wondered exactly how young Xander had been or if he'd been so traumatised by the incident he'd simply blocked it out. The boy's parents were lucky they never made it out of Sunnydale because soul or not ... they would have paid. And paid dearly for what they'd done. What kind of parents twisted their child up in so many knots they were afraid to even touch anything lest they have an accident. Spike looked at the sad face of his mate and tried to send as much love and reassurance as he could through the bond. “I don't wanna hear you apologise for that ever again. Ya hear me? You're not stupid or worthless or clumsy. You're mine and I'm right honoured to be claimed by the slayer's white knight. You're one the bravest people I ever met and you make me feel special.”

Xander looked up and gave Spike a small smile in spite of the tears pooled in his eyes. “You really think all that?”

Spike reached over and threaded his fingers through Xander's. “'Course I do. I love you Xan and we're mated now. You're not alone Xan. I'll be here for you through good and bad, thick and thin, always and forever.”

 

 

 

 

~ Mòran taing ~


End file.
